Voyaging The Summit Of Parenthood
“Mirror mirror on the wall, which child does not see all?”
I see my children’s behaviour as a reflection of my own behaviour, quite often mirrored back to me (sometimes, in not so pleasant a fashion). Whether it be that my child was impatient with me or judged someone at school, I know that I’ve in some way modeled this behaviour. I realize they watch how mummy might be in a panic when running late, getting snappy when she’s had a big day, and perhaps, judging another driver on the road who wasn’t doing what mummy thought that driver ‘should’ do. Also, watching the not so pleasant exchange of comments between parents that don’t always see eye to eye, or, getting angry at such child because of naughty behaviour towards us or their sibling tends to impact how they view and participate in the world with others.
The Sixth Insight‘s “clearing the past”, reminds us to let go of any negative past behaviours of our own parents. What parent hasn’t said, “I can hear myself and I sound just like my mother {father}.” Let go of the old sayings and dogma that doesn’t serve your own parenting and remember how you would have liked to have been treated and listened to as a child. Let your inner child soften your heart. I know I have many good qualities from my parents and I often hear good stuff coming back from my children too and I think ‘cool I showed them that.’ I talk to them about books that I read like The Celestine Prophecy series and Dr Wayne Dyer’s teachings and the lessons I learn from them. They understand and accept these positive concepts as it is innate in them. I am merely fertilizing the soil for their spiritual growth.
The Eighth Insight reminds us not to lose our inner connection and to uplift the energy of everyone we interact with. “With children it is extremely important to their early security and growth.”
Discipline vs Compassion
Rather than discipline, do you know what word I prefer today? ‘Compassion’. How do I teach my children to have compassion for themselves when they’re having a rough day and need some time out to regroup, or to have compassion towards their siblings and friends when they get upset? We have to be living it, in order to teach it. We can guide them to stop and look at the bigger picture of what is happening. When I’m not there, I tell them to tell a teacher or grown up to help resolve the conflict. The best way to teach is to …’practice what we preach’.
Compassionate words remind us that “By seeing the beauty in every face we lift others into their wisest self and increase our chances of synchronistic messages.” Compassion is ultimately innate in human nature. When we tap into the real reasons for why our kids are acting out, and have a compassionate conversation with them, instead of reacting with punishment, we demonstrate compassion. This requires ‘active listening’, not just lecturing.
When we take a deep breath to reassess how we react to something and see the underlying subconscious programming from our own childhood, we show compassion toward ourselves. We slip up, but we can learn from our mistakes. I know I don’t like physically disciplining my children. I want them to find other more productive ways to express their frustration. Maybe hitting a pillow on their bed or a boxing bag if they need to, but not each other. If I hit them, what is this saying?
Through showing patience with my partner (who might be getting snappy and raising his voice) and encouraging him to take a breather, I show compassion. I dialogue with my children that Daddy’s really tired, and that perhaps after his shower, they can tell him that they’re sorry for fighting and how much they missed him throughout the day. Yes, my husband and I remember to appreciate each other too. The children see us kiss and cuddle and communicate with each other with respect. They sometimes want to get in the middle for a group hug, or they sometimes say ‘yuck’, but that’s just fine.
We show love, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding through our own actions. But I don’t tell my kids to be like me. I say be better; be the best that you can be. I love Dr Wayne Dyer’s saying “When given the choice of being right or kind, choose kind.” For me, discipline can stay on the tongues of our relatives, at school, or military structured environments, and compassion can come into my home. I believe the right choices come from kindness, and that’s how I aspire to raise my children. So, I will just take a deep breath and keep climbing; there is a beautiful view on the way to the top. Phew what a climb! And as Elizabeth Gilbert famously says, “Onward!”
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